"Worth" - The Second Novel

Worth

 

A Novel By

Charles O. Gauthier

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Chapter One

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Decisions

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       Still not sleeping well and damned tired of waking up at all hours.  Most nights lately it was actually pretty fitful sleep.  Just seemed I couldn’t get enough rest and felt tired all the time - simple thing but dammit something just did not seem right. 

And usually it was because I would be thinking about the past nine years, realizing things had not turned out as I imagined but then few things really turn out as they supposed to.  Barbara was no exception.  The girls? Well, they did turn out all right but even so it hit me that this was exactly what T.S. Eliot said - doesn’t end with a bang but a whimper. And boy did this ever whimper.

       But it was only as time passed that we both realized that it actually was for the good - really good as it turned out.  But during the trauma of the moment it seemed anything but good.  We both begun to experience angst that the slow, widening distancing was placing on us, although it had not always been that way - especially at the beginning, when we first met.

       We had been living with her parents when I got the reporter job on the Reading Gazette-Ledger newspaper in Reading, Pennsylvania.  We knew we had to be closer to where I would be working and could not commute.  And of course Barb had just found she was pregnant and so we knew we definitely had to get a place of our own.  And that was what lead us to answer the ad for the small apartment in West Lawn.  It was a small town about 8 miles west of the city — I could even take a bus to work if I had to.  Perfect if Barb needed the car for doctors, shopping, whatever.  And of course that was when I met Del.

       It became one of my warmest memories that still stays with me, especially when I want to think of something good about our marriage.  Remembering now, it was the light as it came through the windows and broke the dim dankness but only in the afternoon. It was our first home and walking arm in arm and smiling endlessly, oh yeah we had taken the apartment only because it was all that we could afford, and the beautiful natural light magically illuminating the living room was not a factor when deciding.  Sure.

       And Del was the landlord - a tired old man who walked stooped, ran the drugstore on the first floor below and was not very impressed with the new love of us.  He walked ahead of us oblivious to our smiles and giggles we shared as he lead us through the three rooms and bath apartment.

       "Well,  ya take it or not? "

       "We'll take it.”

       So today, on a Wednesday, with memories converging too quickly and I cannot sort them out, I decided to take off and head back to West Lawn to visit Del and Emma. Lately it just seemed overwhelming.  It was.  Barbara and I were happy. Once. Maybe twice. Does it matter anymore.  Miles down the pike and I’m still in moments of quiet remembering that the light coming in through that first apartment being like an old masters painting.  Never thought of it that way before, now can’t think of it any other way.  The things that register most deeply in the mind are like the broken frames in the film. Remembered most because they broke the continuity of the story line.

       God I am tired.  Doesn't anyone else ever get tired?  Let's see, been in the Reading area for fourteen years.  Yeah, Missy was fourteen.  My God, it has been a long time. The changes I have seen. This street hasn't changed. Probably not in one hundred years.   Except there are cars now instead of horses. But I bet sixty years ago somebody sat just like I'm doing and wondered why.  Barbara, why?

Don't know now, didn't know then, didn't know in-between. Just that we both knew that it was time for it to end. We had grown to almost hate each other, and only seemed to find the others fault.  But it became obvious that we both did care too much for each other and the girls to just  let it go on. Seemed like such a noble thing to do at the time.  Space.  Room to grow. That's what it had been done for originally.  Now.  She's settled happily in her teaching and living with some dude.  At least the kids like him. Think it's kind of neat for their momma to be acting like she's in love.  Samantha said she liked him alright except that they are always, you know,  kissing and stuff.  That was how she put it. Somehow I am glad for her. Knew from the first time we married that it shouldn’t have been so. She tried and I guess that I took advantage. But she grew and I guess I didn’t give enough space.  Space.  And now I drink a lot each  night trying to get to sleep or something, and wonder if there are others out there like me, and know there are. Glad she was happy. She's a nice person and deserved it.  I knew she feels the same for me.  It is so strange

The momentum of the day had been building.   I had felt it the minute my feet had hit the floor in the morning, the sun pouring brilliant red fire through the room, my eyes bleary from the four hours sleep, my mind reeling from the scotch of last night. Too little sleep. Too much booze. The same as the night before. Struggling through the dressing procedure, I knew.  Yep - I knew - I would take the day off.  It was Wednesday, nothing big happens on Wednesday - no meetings, no city council, nothing.  I decided to take a sick day.  Hell with it.  I would drive out and see Del.  That’s what I would do.

My nose itched and I remembered I had gone to the doctor and he said the inside of my nose was crooked, Now what the hell was that supposed to mean? I had a perfectly good nose outside, but inside it clogs up on the right with the first good sized piece of pollen, and the right side has swollen up and over mucuses, or whatever the hell he said it was. All I know is I can't breathe out of the damned thing, and that sums up my life at this point.

And the doctor said it's crooked. He drew a picture that looked like a strange kite, 

"Course that is the way I see it, " he said.  Course it is, I can't look up my nose. God knows I've tried though since the prognosis. Daughter - Melissa in fact - walked in on me in the bathroom just the other day. Didn't see her for a second or two, and glancing at  her sideways as I tried to pry the nostrils apart she had the distinct look on her face that her old man was absolutely nuts, needed to be pitied,  but definitely daffy.  Her 14 year old face said it all -  oh my God if he ever did that in public. She sighed and shook her head.

"Dad, are you all right?"

What could I say.  Sure Honey, just trying to get out this big booger that's stuck up there. Think she'd believe that I got a crooked nose.

Wonder if Fleischer would laugh at that. Probably not. He doesn't laugh at anything.  When I had first come to work for the newspaper I had felt an incredible sense of challenge, and knew that by working hard and showing my superiors that I wanted to do well, was creative and hard working - well, I made it to assistant city editor.  Even had the idea for the new front page and then the damned award for the gambling ring that had been broken up by the story that I had written.  But the recent arguments that the lagging circulation of the paper could be improved by changing from the traditional four corner anchored layout to the more innovative  horizontal format characteristic of magazine formats was met with scowls, frowns - told to mind my own business, that circulation had to improve. Rumor had it that the Ledger was going to go under unless there was a drastic improvement in the advertisement monies, and that was dependent on the circulation.

It had been happening day after day, like an internal gnawing. Day after day it had built up. I could feel it as acid  indigestion, a burning at the top of my stomach. All caused from worry, about things I wasn't sure, about things I could not change and mostly about things I did not know what they were but were overwhelming in their sense of something huge being wrong lingering like the pungent odor of burnt dreams.  And I tried to interject humor - especially yesterday.

Not that I want the news to be funny. God forbid I should make any real attempt to put humor into the police arresting two county councilmen, the deputy mayor and a representative from none less than the governor's office at Florie's whorehouse on East street.  I mean they did let them put their pants on before they took them out.  Naw there ain't a damned thing funny about that.  Fleischer's right.  Government is serious business. He said it a hundred times.

" Lanny,"  he said.  "Local government has changed. I've seen the worst (only he says wurst)  and I've seen ta pest (that's the way he talks)  and what we've got here is a municipal that's run the way all cities ought to be run. Tight, tough and with no holds barred. After all, government is serious business."

Right, I say, and corrupt to their very souls. No, my boss says. Not since we got rid of the Pulaski hierarchy have we had corruption in Reading. Ah yes, so says me boss Ed Fleischer editor of the Reading Gazette-Ledger, bastion of journalistic excellence, known for its one Pulitzer won by a cartoon about the dammed Nazi's or something forty some odd years ago. Right Ed Fleischer, there is no corruption in Reading, the mayor's brother in law just happened to get the contract for repaving the streets - lowest bid, the records show it, Fleischer said.  And hey his baby sister got that Federal apprentice appointment to local government and then there’s the dammed raid on Florie's.

My inside sources had told me this.  So I  get there with camera. Man, I was ready. They came busting in and  I'm snapping away, and then they see who the hell they got.  I get nailed, camera gets taken away, film ripped out and they escort out with all the big wigs, everybody’s laughing, I'm madder than hell and then the Captain takes me by the arm outside and talks to me like a son. 

" You've done a helluva job here, Talbot,  " he said. " I've read all your stuff.  No harm's done. We'll get you some more film, but you have to understand that nothing happened here. The raid will happen later, we'll make sure that you know when." 

Right. And  Ed laughed when I get back to the office and told him.  But I write the story - no photos but all the details. And when I brought the story in to his office and said this was what was going to run as the lead, he quietly walked around me, slammed the door behind me and walked up to my face.

"You can't corroborate it.  I won't vouch for it, every witness will say they saw nothing, and your ass will hang.  Not one person will come forward and back your story, and remember who you are dealing with, whores and misfits.”

" Is the city council considered that bad " I interrupted.

He paused. A scowl turned hard on his face.

" You can't use it Lanny. That's it. Quit if you like but you'll just have to learn. "

" Ed, if you would give me the go I can turn this city inside out. It is absolutely riff with corruption. What's the holdup.  I mean, come on, you getting paid off too? "

Fire shot from his eyes.  " I could fire you too for insubordination - if you weren’t so godammed good. No. To answer your question I am not on any payroll.  I've just been around Reading a long time.  I have seen corruption, and you, you little fucker don’t have any idea what it means to have corruption. Sheeit -  Mayor Delaney godammit Talbot,  for what you saying I damned well could have you fired. Now get your ass out of here and don’t bother me with such crap.”

Just like that because I accused the man of the only thing that I could think of that would make sense out of the nonsense and he says he could fire me.

So then, last night sitting, drinking scotch at the window of this dump, watching the slow moving traffic down Tenth Street waiting for the drag races to start. They always do, around nine-thirty. All the high school kids from around the Reading area congregate and make runs down the one way street, pulling up to the lights gingerly, gunning the engines, popping the clutch scamming a bit of rubber, holding the brake and racing the engines,  loud emitting noise, gaseous clouds billow, oil smells and burning rubber. The light changes and all hell breaks loose as the two of them take off like sombitches. God, they get bad especially on Saturday nights, the noise, smells and cheers until the cops come and clean the street by constantly patrolling.  The kids just quietly cruise, waiting. They know. The cops soon leave, usually in a blaze of flashing lights and screaming sirens as they head off to answer a call for a knifing, a shooting, a robbery, any of the million and one reasons that cops go screaming off into the night. And in Reading there was a lot of screaming off into the nights. Damned city.

And it got me thinking, Ed Fleischer the editor of the paper, and I was the assistant city editor having worked my way up from reporter, and was getting damned tired of the job.  I had tried to do it well.   I  knew this city very well, like who to call for what information. Had spent many years at many a watering hole buying and listening.  Always listening.  Would pick up all kinds of tidbits from these nights, always new leads to check out.  And many a story came from that.  But damn there was a price.  Barbara hated it.  Said it was what led to our breakup.  Whatever.

And now sitting listening to a light rain falling, becoming aware of the slowness of time. Waiting for the day to get started.  Damn I got to get a life.  Something had to change. I knew what I had to do.  Dammit, I would take off today - I’d drive out and see Del.  He was someone who would understand.  He would listen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Del Visit

 

 

 

 

 

 

On my way to see Del and the family.  Damn, it has been such a long time, lot has happened but I can’t wait to see Del, and Emma.  What has it been?  Four?  No, almost five years since I went by to see them.  Shouldn’t have waited this long.  Let’s see, Gene Markus was their son, living in the Mid-West, Cleveland I think.  Not sure.  Gotta ask Del about him.  And Emma, such a gentle woman whose face always reflected the laugh that would so easily come out, the smile, the warmth, the glow,  she certainly was someone special.   So much to tell them about  - Barbara now the ex-wife, the kids so much older and grown.  I should bring them by sometime.  Del and Emma will not believe how much the munchkins have changed.  Melissa the lithe, tall little lady who, when no one seems to be watching, glides her way through life in her practice ballet.  And Samantha,  the youngest, a veritable worm the spitting image of when I was a kid, same round face, huge eyes that melted everybody’s heart - beautiful child.  Hard for me to not show favoritism towards her, but god it’s hard not to.

As I approached the downtown part of West Lawn, it struck me how so much looked familiar.  Parking as close to Del’s store as I could, it struck me that really, nothing had changed.  It was just as I remembered the last time I was here.

I went inside the pharmacy.  It had hardly changed.  It was almost hard to move through the store there were so many displays everywhere.

Del was stocking near the back of the store.  He looked up, surprised.

“My God, Lanny . . . . Lanny!!  How you been,” he said rushing toward Lanny and embracing him.

“Really good . . . May soon be unemployed but as of now but really good,” I said

" Yeah? “ Del said, “What? No newspaper?”

“May not be much longer.  Long story”

“Well, well tell me.  And Barbara? The kids? “

“Separated almost two and a half years, actually now divorced. Damn.”

“You?  I just can’t get over it . . . Barbara’s such a sweet person and I always thought the two of you, you know, that's hard to believe Lanny.”

“I know but it happened. And we have to go on. Find new people, you know, new things, you can't dwell on it."

" That's the thing I liked about you Lanny, you always look ahead, but I still remember the two of you and the beautiful children. You have beautiful children, Lanny, some of the best."

" I know. You're right....so who's living upstairs now?"

" Up there?"  Del looked up at the ceiling. "Nobody. Ain't been for a couple of years. Needs too much work. Ain't got the time. Though I suppose I ought to . . . . so, you want a cup of coffee or tea?  In any rush?"

" No . . . .just got to go home . . . But I’d love a cup of coffee.  What time do you close this place up?"

" Oh... ." the old man said slowly, thinking, " When it's time to."

" Is it time to?"

" Yah ....it's been time to for quite a while... let's go to the house and I'll put on some coffee."

" Can't you call Emma, and have her?"

" Ho.... guess you didn't know. Emma passed on, just over a year ago. "

" Jesus, I'm sorry. "

" That's all right . . .give me a minute or two.  We'll leave."

" Sure, " I said as the old man went behind the counter and started putting things away under the counter, and carried the money back to the office to put into the safe.

I still hadn't gotten over the shock of hearing that Emma had died. She had been a surrogate mother, grandmother, worrier for the entire Talbot family for the three years we had lived in the small apartment above the pharmacy. It was she who had stayed with Barbara and the kids when I  went to my father's sick bed for that long one month, and she had made sure everyone was fed, cared for and the laundry was done.

And when I was working and Barbara was going to school, Emma took care of the kids, just Melissa first and later both her and Samantha, including the diaper changes, the sickness and the homemade soups.  Emma, her incredibly warm smile, luminous white hair and ruddy face of a farm girl, but she got hers from just being happy.  She was always happy.  She found good things in everything. It was Emma who told them that there was even good in the children's sickness, as it would make you stay close to them, hold them and care for them, use your love to wrap them and make them better, it made you bring your love out for them and become stronger. Emma, somebody who should be here for ever, gone. I’d never see her again, and I didn't even know . . I hadn't even heard . . . I should have stayed in touch and didn't and now it was too late.

" You ready Lanny?"

" Yeah sure,"  I said, startled.

" Just let me lock the door, " Del said as we walked out the door.  “I had to get a couple extra locks. Insurance said to. Takes a man twenty minutes to lock his own store .. .there."

" Still live in the same place?"

" Oh yes.. ..that your car? You mean you're driving that after all these years. I remember when you bought that... took everybody for a ride, top down. Proud as a peacock. New job. " He laughed. " That was just before you moved. Well what say we get going. "

We walked down the half block to the side street that lead behind the pharmacy and across the street to the large wood house that I had spent so many hours visiting.  We went through the wrought iron gate that still creaked when opened and went up the steps onto the large porch. The same wicker furniture was still there, although it now looked to be in bad shape. Del took out his keys and opened the door, flipping on the hall light as we went inside. The house still had the smell of food having been cooked, but there was something missing, a flower smell, or more the plants that used to be hung everywhere. There were none now.

" Just have a seat here .. I'll put some water on. You don't mind instant do you?"

" No.  .that's fine."

" I'll be right out."

As Del left, I sat on the couch and looked around the room. The whole house seemed different, quieter, and except for the rattle of the teapot filling with water in the kitchen, the only other sound was the loud ticking of the huge mantel clock above the fireplace.

The chair in front of the windows where Emma had her largest collection of every kind of growing plants, some so overflowing as to almost block the window and made the light coming through seem a pale green, the chair now stood empty and alone, all the plants and pots gone.

I felt like I did when Dad died. The same distinct bad taste, the knot in my stomach. Somehow, Emma should still be here, she should be showing me her newest plant, walking around through the melange of growing things touching them, working around the soil as she talked to me. Asking me about the divorce, the kids, wanting to see the latest pictures of them, clicking her tongue as she looked at them and shaking her head as she said it was all beyond her. That is what she would have said.

She should be here. Just like Dad. Their deaths were something I could not understand. I had gone back home for the month when Dad had been so sick and stayed until he was back on his feet, had never looked better, had that glow in his cheeks and had even began his farming again when I left. I was sure everything was going to all right and came back to work, and a month later the phone call. At the worst possible moment the call came in - right in the middle of the final lay-out of the paper, busier than hell and I had been told I had a long distance telephone call. I remembered how the blood drained from me, I grew very cold, I knew exactly what it was. And now I felt the same way. Knowing exactly what was and not seeing how it could be, it wasn't the way I had left it.

" You want cream or sugar?"  Del said from the kitchen.

"Just sugar. "

Del came in stirring my coffee and handed it to me, then went back and got his own, and sat down in the chair in the window.

" I sit here a lot now. I like to watch West Lawn go about its business. Especially at night."

" What happened to all the plants? "

" Oh., tried to keep them up but it takes a lot of time. They need a loving hand.  And as they started turning brown, dying, couldn't stand it and took them all down. Gave them to neighbors. I wish I could sell this place. "

" Why don't you. Surely you could get a good place with what this is worth. "

" No ....don't like the fact that all I've got now is memories here, but well, - that's all I've got."

" Yeah."

" Well what brings you out this way, Lanny? "

" I been getting depressed lately about things and thought I’d come over and see you since it has been such a long time. "

" Depressed? What's a young fella like you got to be depressed about."

I laughed softly. " Oh.... I don't know,.. I guess just like everything else it's another long story. "

" So what happened between you and Barbara? The newspaper?"

" Ah Del, that’s a lot to think about …... God knows I spent a helluva lot of time thinking about it. . . and a lot of the details are kind of fuzzy now. . . the logic and the reasons seem vague. Oh I used to know all the answers why, or at least I thought I did., .and I really thought that the separation was the right thing. I really believed that. Thought it was the best thing for everybody."

" You want to go back?"

" No. . .no, we are now miles down different roads. Sold the house. She's living in the northern part of town.  Got her own little house and teaches sixth grade, and loves it."   I laughed out loud. " Even changed her hair style.. ....all frizzy and fuzzy....you wouldn't know her ....looks like hell."

" You find that funny?"

" What can I say?  Sure wouldn't tell her about what I think it looks like. No....things sure have changed. "

" So how the children? "

" Believe it or not, Del, they are really doing great. "

" Sure wish you'd bring them by one time."

" I promise I will.  Melissa's fourteen now, she's a skinny little lady, delicate like her mother. She was so awkward for so long and now she's the one who has the grace and agility. She's really beautiful Del. Now Samantha - Sam? "  I laughed again. " Oh my God she's like her old man. Got my nose even. And is she full of the devil. Rather walk through a wall than look at it. But she's great too."

" Bring them by, Lanny. I'd like to see them. Don't see many people now . . .I guess that's why I stay at the store so much. People come in. It's nice to talk to. Glad I got the place."

" Business good? "

" Ahh....it's never good. Pays the rent, buys the food, but never enough. Got too much stuff."

" Are you still buying from every salesman that comes down the road? "

" It's just a man's weakness. I guess I'm going to have to start saying no soon. "

" What's the time getting to be? "

" I got four thirty. . . .you don't got to run off do you?"

" No, not really. My watch stopped, got to take it in and get it fixed I guess. Only bought it two months ago. "

" They don't make things the way they used to. "

“Exactly. "

" So, so what’s this with, maybe leaving the paper?"

I looked at the old man. He hadn't changed since I last saw him, and as he stared out the window at the silent street, the only thing different I noticed was that he seemed to look more tired around his eyes.

“Yeah, Del, " I said, " Have a big title, assistant city editor, but not too happy there to be honest. Actually, thinking about  quiting. Too much politics."

" Certainly do dwell on this happiness, depressed thing, don't you. " 

“ Hadn't noticed. "

" Got to realize that you have to accept what is as what is. At least you're alive and kicking, or I think you are anyway. "

" Maybe it's just the Spring itch what with the warmer weather coming, but I'll tell you I am getting the urge to travel. I don't know where or why, but I just really got the urge to go. Not sure what I’m going to do."

" Well you do have a good job, my boy, and good standing in the community, and that's worth something, you know. Something will come up. You watch. "

" I guess, Del, but I feel that I am at a point in my life that I'm going to stay where I'm at forever and do what I do till I retire or I make a change. "

Del sipped his coffee.

“You know, Lanny,” he said slowly, “I like having someone in the house to talk to.  But sometimes a change should be made before it's too late."

We sat and talked quietly for a short while, both enjoying the way time was moving slowly, and finding that we liked each other a lot and that it had been too long between visits. After a while I did say that I should get going, got to go to work tomorrow, - still - and we both laughed.

As we stood at the door, I promised within the next couple of weeks to call  and bring the children by.  We said our good byes and stood looking at each other for a second and just before I turned to leave I embraced the older man, and felt the return of the warmth of feelings that had been felt in the past.  But Del was right, change should be made, before it is too late.

On leaving and having seen Del in the empty house without Emma, it hit me that the realization that changes sometimes become more than they are supposed to. That when people come again into parts of our lives that they left years ago, and they compare them to what is remembered, not only is the present different, but it shapes these memories as well.

Echoes of the past, muffled and shadowed as it were by the fog of the way, I thought as I walked to my car.  We want to remember things, hollow sounds stirred by a fondness to relive better, more pleasant memories, times. It seemed to me as though the concurrent past and present could merge and the harsh scraping edge of painful reality which is nothing if not less satisfying, if this present could fade, the pain recede slightly, and closing the eyes we could relive this shadowed cloaked softness of knowing that the times then . . . . . they were good. Oh my God, I thought -  they were ever so good.  I knew now, I had to make changes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changes

 

 

 

 

 

Hard to believe but I really am going to leave the Reading area and actually head home.  But I wanted to go by the girls, make sure they knew it wasn’t forever, that we would still be family though it sure would be different.  I had called Barbara, told her something was up and we needed to talk and she agreed.

As I approached her house I saw Steve’s car in the driveway.  Guess by now they’re living together - whatever - that was her business.  And what with what I was bringing to the table it really was probably best for the girls, dammit.  But this was something I just had to do.  I needed to get my own life straightened out and this was how it would happen.

Knocking on the door, Samantha came running out and grabbed hold of me.

“Daddy!!!” She said embracing me. “Are you going to take us out for dinner?”

“Maybe, sweetie, we’ll see.  Mom home?”

She led me inside where Barbara was grading papers at the dining room table.  She looked up and smiled.

“So what’s this big news you’ve got to share?” She said.

“Actually would like just you and I to talk first,“ I said pulling up a chair.

“Oh, okay . . . . Steve, can you take the girls outside for a few minutes?”

“Sure,“ he said. “How’s it going Lanny?”

I just nodded.

“Come on girls - take you on at cornhole.“ He said ushering them outside. “Loser has to get the ice creams!”

They left and Barbara put her pen down.

“You okay?”

“Is it that obvious,“ I said. “Any chance you have a cup of coffee handy?”

“Sure.  It’s leftover but I can microwave it. Okay?

“Yep that’d be fine.”

She got up, poured a cup of coffee and placed it in the microwave.

“Again,“ she asked,”You ok?”

“Got a lot going on,” I said. “And I do mean a lot.”

She brought it over and placed it on the table.

“Still take it black?”

I nodded and smiled slightly.

“I sure do.  So let’s get to it,” I said.  “I’ve given my two weeks notice at the paper and am not renewing my lease on my apartment.  It runs out end of this month.”

“What? So what, what are you going to do?”

“Moving back home.  Storing some furniture but taking most everything with me.”

Barbara looked at me shaking her head in disbelief.

“What?” she said. “What are you going to do?”

“Not sure.  But frankly I was close to getting fired.  Fleischer’s pissed at me cause I want to expose corruption and other stuff.  Just don’t feel that important at the newspaper any more.”

“But you worked so hard to get where you are - what will you do now?”

“I really don’t know.  Get home, see what’s happening there.  Things are kind of different now that my Dad’s no longer there.”

“But farming?  Lanny? Really?”

“Like I said I don’t know.  But I’ve got quite a bit saved up and I will keep sending money for the girls.  In fact I really want to sit down with them, let them know they’ll still be a big part of me and them together.  We’ll work something out.  Promise”

“Holy crap, Lanny, have you thought this through?”

“Believe it or not, Barb, I really have.  I need to go home. It’s time.”

She sat studying me, slowly shaking her head.

“I was not expecting that, Lawrence Albert Talbot.  Was not.”

We sat for a couple of minutes quietly.

“Well,” she said, “You really do need to talk with the girls. They’re used to seeing you, being a part of their lives.  Going to be really different for them, for all of us. For you.”

She got up.

“Bring your coffee.  We’ll go out back.  Steve and I will come in and you can talk with the girls out back.  It might upset them.”

“Okay, “ I said getting up.

We went out to the back yard and I sat at the picnic table.

“Girls, you need to come over.  Your Dad’s got something to share.  Steve and I will be inside.”

The girls came over and sat at the table with me, Samantha nestling up close as she could while Melissa sensing something sat across from me pushing her curly hair back out of her face.

“So what’s up, Dad?” She said.

“Ok, look couple of things first.  You know while things are different your Mom and I have always wanted us to always be your parents - she’s your Mom and I am your Dad?  Right?”

Both girls nodded.

“Well things are going to be a little even more different now.”

Melissa looked at me with a heavy skeptical frown on her face.

“In a couple of weeks I am moving back to the farm in Maryland.”

“What?” Melissa said in disbelief.”With Grandma?”

“Yep.  It’s just time for me to do this.  Help Grandma run the farm, see what needs to be done.  I just have to do this now.”

Samantha buried herself into my side and began sobbing.

“So we won’t see you anymore?” She said.

“No, no, no.  You will.  Your Mom and I will work these things out.  Maybe summers you’ll spend time there.  Holidays.  We’ll work these things out.  This doesn’t mean we won’t see each other.  I promise you, we will.  You are way too important to me.  Seriously.”

“I knew something was up,” Melissa said. “You never come here on weekends.”

“Look, it’s important to me that you two know that I will always be your Dad.  We will always share our lives together.  This may be a lot different but we will still be family and we still will share our time, when we can.  It may be different but we will still make it the same, best we can.”

“Promise?”  Samantha said.

“I do.  I promise you still my ladies, and always will be.  Promise.”

And that was how we left it.  It was going to be different, probably very different, but we would do our best to keep our feeling of family alive and work these new changes into our lives.  It hurt me a lot to know that such a distance would soon become the normal between me and the girls, but eve more now I felt compelled that I needed to get home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barbara, Melissa, Samantha and Mom - the women who had been in my life, and really still are. Changed relationships of course, fading rapidly with Barbara, ongoing with the girls, and about to rediscover with my mother.  And so off to Southern Maryland not knowing what to expect or how it will be.  Had to leave the newspaper, what with Fleischman being so pissed about my wanting to go after the political corruption in Reading.

Yeah, so serious especially about who was getting kickbacks.  But that’s over.  Only have one month left on my lease so that’s a done deal.  But there is the question about the girls. Hate leaving them. They were just a little upset that I was leaving the Reading area. But we all had agreed that we would stay close, spend vacation time together.  It really wasn’t goodbye.

And Barbara had settled happily, stable as it was, into her teaching, secure in her job and now she’s living with some guy - Steve - a fellow teacher. At least Melissa and Sam like him - think it's kinda neat that their momma acting like she is in love . Missy says she understands - in her own wizened way what being 14 and even Sam she says it’s OK.  But it is good for Barbara.  We never really had a chance, her being pregnant and so we had to get married.  Plus Steve is good with the girls, too.

We knew for years that our marriage was over and it was just a question of the formality and taking care of the kids - which we did.  It was sort of a joint custody. But deep down we despised each other too much to stay together - the loss of emotional love and the feelings of resentment that the other wasn't trying to meet our needs - constantly seeing each other from these self made fences, feeling closed in without space - room to grow. 

It was just that we both knew that it was time for it to end. We were beginning to almost hate each other, the resentments were so deep, but also cared too much for each other to let it go on.  Seemed like such a noble thing to do at the time. Space. Room to grow. That's what it had been done originally. Now? She's settled happily in her teaching and living with some dude. At least the kids like him. Think it's kind of neat for their momma to be acting like she's in love. Samantha said she liked him alright except that they are always, you know, kissing and stuff. That was how she put it.  Somehow I am glad for her. Knew from the first time we married that maybe it shouldn’t have been so. She tried and I guess that I took advantage. But she grew and I guess I didn’t give enough space. I don’t really know.  But I’m glad she is happy. She's a nice person and deserves it. I know she feels the same for me. It is so strange because now I am off to something that at best is a long ago memory.

Especially true since my old man passed, what six years ago?  Damn, time goes by too quickly. When was the last time I thought about Pops? Mom insisting I go back with the family and left all alone running the farm. “Don’t you worry about me,” she said. “I got Mosby and Wells and they sure know well how to take care of the place.”

Thank God for Mosby, Wells - though heard that things were changing. I do remember my Dad saying he made sure that the Mosby and Wells families were properly taken care of - each given land for them and their families - making sure they not only owned that land but that the taxes were always paid for them.  And they were - he made sure that taxes would be paid each year from the income of the farm - 1200 acres originally - now around 800 acres farming tobacco on what when I was growing up was like a small town of close knit families.  Dad had made sure that the Mosby and Wells would be there always. Just Reward, that was the farm’s name, and the plaque was still on the brick column as I turned onto the mile long drive down to the main house.

Never had much fondness for this old place, so far removed from what I call civilization but it had been the pride of my father.  He lived to make it successful and was actually what did him in, was way too much work for just one man even with the help of Mosby and Wells.  Their families had been there as long as I could remember.

Passing the Mosby’s home I noticed his truck in the driveway and decided to stop.  He would know what was going on as I had heard rumors from Mom and my sister that things were different here at the home place, and Mosby would know.

“Hey Tom?”, I said knocking on the front door.

He opened it and broke into a huge grin as he recognized me and gave me a big hug.

“My God, Lanny Talbot!!! So what in God’s name brings you down this way?”

“Moving home, Tom.  Coming home for a while.”

“Really?” he said. “ Guess you really haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?”

“Come in, come in.  I can fill you in on what I know.  Ellen, look who’s here - it’s that scrawny kid never did a day’s work on the place far as I can remember.”

Tom laughingly brought me in and we sat at the kitchen table.

“Well Lanny, so good to see you.  Been so long,” she said. “What can I get you?”

“Glass of water would be great.”

As we sat, Tom rubbed his chin, pursing his lips.

“So you don’t know,” he said.

“Know what?”

“Your Mom hadn’t told you?”

“What?”

“The Wells family is gone.  Daughter still teaches at the high school, but they left.  Just me and Ellen left. And the place is under some kind of, I don’t know, foreclosure or something like that.”

“What?” I said standing up. “What do you  mean?”

“Not really sure but from what I hear seems your sister, Lydia, and her husband Harold had some laundry, dry cleaning business and Miss Talbot took out some loan from the bank to pay for it and what I hear it went out of business.  I don’t know the details and such but it’s pretty serious I hear. The Wells’ left.”

I was stunned.  What the hell was he talking about? Holy crap, how did I not know any of this was going on.  Mom never said anything to me.  I mean, what was happening?

“Damn Tom.  I guess I best get down to the house and find out what is going on.  You two are staying?”

“For now.  Where else would we go?”

“And the Wells are gone?  For good?”

“Far as I know.  Both their boys left for work uptown on the subway I hear. And our Caroline, guess you know, married that fella at fifteen with the baby and all. They just couldn’t make it here, so they left.”

“How are you farming this place just by yourself?”

He laughed softly.

“We ain’t, Lanny. The place is now a tree farm to pay the taxes. We ain’t farming no more.”

I was in shock.  No idea things were this bad.  What was going on?  How come no one had filled me in?  My God, what was going to happen to the place? 

“Thanks Tom.  I had no idea.  I guess I better get on down to the house and talk with Mom and see what is going on.  I’ll fill you in after I talk with her.  My God, I had no idea.”

“Yeah,” Tom said.  “Please keep me up to date.  Glad you came back, Lanny.  Hope it makes a difference.”

We embraced and I got into my car to head down to the old manor home - the place I couldn’t wait to get the heck away from and now the place that might no longer be called home.  I had to find out what was really going on.

Driving the last half mile down to the house had brought back so many memories, from the old house that I could not wait to escape from - wanted nothing to do with all that historical crap and sure as hell never thought I would come back here - run a farm? Raise tobacco? Not ever a part of what I thought would be what my life would be.  That was Dad’s dream - the gentleman farmer.  Oh yes, that was Dad.

I remember Dad telling me with pride about the old place, how it had been built in various stages beginning with the original land grant to the Talbot Family in 1687. The kitchen and one room were constructed shortly after Hiram Talbot came to Calvert County in 1693. The Main part was built starting in 1730 by his son William who expanded the operations of the farm so that it soon became a major plantation for tobacco that rivaled Charles' Gift and Sotterley as producers of men folk and crop. Sons were the trademark of a successful family and daughters insured that the traditions could merge.

The estate was called Just Reward for they had been staunch supporters of the Calvert Family, and as the colony was the Calvert's it was only fitting that they be patented 1200 acres of prime river bottom land on the promise to take to the new world the pride and traditions of the Calvert's. Dad was so proud of all that historical stuff about his home-place.

Years and years had passed and still the majority of the land was in the our Talbot family. We still owned around 800 acres, but now Mosby says it’s a tree farm. When Dad was alive the place had been a show place. Gardens, fields and many large and generous crops. Dad had become the one who had led the fight for crop diversification and had been reviled at meetings as an agitator.

And Mom - a lady in the true tradition. But what was happening now? The conditions were appalling. Wells and Mosby had been the only tenants left - a black and a white family - and now it was just Tom Mosby and his wife. The farm had once been the center of two hundred people but now how would Mosby and his wife be able to run the farm?

Their kids have all left, and he is now a hunched man in his mid fifties who has tilled too many rows and cut and hung too many sheaves of tobacco. The kids have all gotten jobs at the power plant or on the Metro construction up in the city. Both projects happened about the same time and pulled a lot of the boys off the farm for the better money in the trades. And the Wells - they’re gone?

Tom Mosby and his wife Ellen, yes they were still there - even though he still walked with a noticeable limp - his right leg being bum from a hunting accident that happened he when a kid. But still a grizzled thin man who always looked like he walked out of a Margaret Bourke White photo from the Thirties. Wore the same type overalls and carried a bandanna handkerchief that he used to wipe his brow often, removing the floppy hat he always wore.

Parking the car I walked into the house.  The door as always was unlocked - showing a trust I never felt comfortable with.

“Mom? You here? I’m home.”

She came into the kitchen and smiled broadly on seeing me. 

“I am so glad you are here, “ she said giving me a huge hug. “There is so much we need to talk about.  So how long are you staying?”

“Mom, I am moving back here . . . . . . . I am moving home.”

“Oh,” she said looking puzzled. “Guess you hadn’t heard?”

“Heard what?”

“Oh, bring your stuff in.  We’ll talk.”

“I will in a bit,” I said. “But what’s this I hear - place in foreclosure?”

She looked down at the floor, slowly shaking her head.

“Oh dear, Lanny,” she said taking my hands. “It’s so good you’re home.  Surely you will be able to take care of this unfortunate situation. So glad you’re home.  Really.”

She looked at me and smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Three

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lydia

 

 

 

Just a brief summary of the rest for your perusal . . . . . . . I have figured out that one reason I have not ever completed more to this novel is we are at a point where I do not know the details.  Oh I know the story line - I have the plot well in hand - but the details are lacking.

He comes home, the house is in foreclosure, the bank wants payment and no one has it.  His sister is in denial - not her fault - everybody blames her.  Her husband - Harold - is an absolute ass - takes no responsibility and stays away.  Lanny goes to the bank as his high school best buddy is now second in charge but his hands are tied.  And he pressure builds as it becomes apparent that the house and 800 acres is going to go up for auction - and it does and a developer buys it.  The Talbot family has to move and it is too much for the mother.  She dies.

Lanny has to auction off the house furnishings as no one in the family has the ability to keep them.  He has to move - small apartment in a beach community - he is beside himself - he finally realizes - he has lost everything.  Someone has to pay for this - he now sees what he has lost.  It is overwhelming.

He develops this plan to poison Harold - it was he who made this happen - he must pay.  And Lanny details an elaborate plan to work as a waiter at a place where Harold likes to have lunch - changes his appearance, gets a job there and plans to poison Harold’s tea with a slow working poison that would trigger a heart attack after Harold left the restaurant and it would kill him.

But he has second thoughts just as he is about to serve Harold the tea - his girls - he would never be able to look them in the eyes and show them the true love he felt for them - he would just know that he was a killer - it would not be worth it - hence the novel title.

Anyway, not sure I will finish it.  Good plot.  Good story.  But the details?  What do I know about the Talbot house on 800 acres on the Patuxent River built in 1687?